Letter to an Anxious Mama:

It's not every day that we stand tall. Women, I mean. I am strong, independent, a wife, the CEO of my own company, and a SAHM to two toddlers, who works solely during nap time. I can handle a lot thrown my way and somehow wear several hats (some I have to wear backwards and sideways, come at me). But when a woman hits a brick wall, she hits a brick wall. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually.

These days feel as though they come more often than they used to, but I also think wives and mamas are more sensitive and aware. We worry more, because now that we have others under our wing, so to speak, we have this new realization of all the things that could go wrong. What's Newton's Law? At some point, a woman reaches this point in her life where the worries she had in high school and in college, when she was technically still under someone else's wings, seem comical. Worthy of laughing out loud, you weren't worried about finances. A mortgage. A 401K. You weren't writing up your will or deciding who was going to raise your children in the event that something terrible happened to you and your future husband. Adulting is not for the weak minded (nor the sleep deprived).

I can only speak for myself, but when I hit those brick walls where worry consumes my every breath, where sleep deprivation has me reevaluating even eating lunch today (ha, sike) and just taking a nap with the kids instead, where the emails are endless and this stupid chicken on the counter won't thaw out fast enough, it seems like nothing goes right. It feels like I am the biggest, most worthless mom ever. I compare myself to other women and wonder exactly what dosage of Wellbutrin she's taking. It's true.

I find myself aiming to please so many people, do all the right things and say all the right words, that I dont dare allow myself to just be human. To sit on the couch and turn on a movie just because mama doesn't feel like playing Playdoh Barber Shop. Although, its not the Barber Shop that I hate (read HATE), its cutting it out of my sisal rug that I lose my schniz over. But when I reach this level of exhaustion, it isn't always nap-worthy. In fact, in these moments, I'm so flabbergasted that I couldn't sleep if I laid there contently, just me and the sound machine. I reach this next level phase of parenthood that the only Saving Grace I have is Jesus. It's my She Is More devotional app. It's my Bible. It's sitting in silence on the hammock outside and listening to Spotify worship music. It's soaking in the bath, singing hymns quietly. Really, it's in those quiet moments where I hear Him speaking over me, washing me in His holy and persuasive words. "You are enough. I chose you for this life first, and then I chose this life for YOU. I didn't call someone qualified to raise THESE children, to stand beside THIS husband, to run THIS company. I called you, and then I qualified you."

Yikes. Me? The mom who grinds her teeth and naps at red lights?? The truest joy of the brick wall is learning how those bad boys actually grow to tower over you, each brick an experience. No matter what your challenges and no matter what your bricks say, they build. While none of these two metaphorical bricks say the same thing, they gain height, and exponentially grow in number. What started out small now towers over your head and there you sit, leaning up against it, exhaustedly wondering how you got to this place.

That's the thing about skyscrapers, and icebergs, and any tall structure you may be standing up against; their foundations are rooted further down in the ground than can be seen with the eye. Their foundational bricks are set in place first, before the skyscraper or building even begin to take shape. Laying the ground work can often be one of the longest and most costly parts about building a structure, dug deep into the earth's core to be able to withstand the tests of time. The trials. The tribulations. The tempers. The depression. The lady clerks at Publix.

No matter the struggles, the sass of your toddler, the price of your child's daycare, the mortgage payment, the new yet scary job opportunity, yours or your beloved's addiction, your foundational bricks can withhold only so much before it's time to open your Bible. On our own, we can only withstand the power of winds to a certain speed and the earthquake of a certain magnitude before we crumble and are left picking up the rubble. In these moments of desperation, we come to the ultimate realization that we can't pick these all up on our own. We cant rebuild by ourselves, and we aren't called to. To be honest, thats what community is for. That's why prayer is our lifeline to Him. He promises to hear our every word, and never leave us or forsake us. Even when our foundation is shaky, or we've tried to patch it together on our own, He never looks at us with an "I told you so" smirk on His face. Even when we're grinding our teeth at a redlight, or worrying yet again about the same constant issue, or being diagnosed with anxiety and depression, prescribed a medication you never wanted to admit you need to function. He's the Father of all fathers. He is our comfort in times of minimal stress and when we're laying face down amidst the dust of our own debris. He meets us where we are, doesn't ask questions, and reaches out for your hand. Take it. Place your hand in His, and allow Him to help you stand up.

Mamas: you're going to make it. Your children may cause you to go grey earlier than expected, but they're not going to push you over the emotional cliff. You're no better or worse of a mama than the one who isn't prescribed 5 mg of TakeANapAtThisHereRedLight. You've got this, because your bricks are strong, He's given you a firm foundation, and you trust in Jesus.

Wife: it's okay to put your marriage above everything else, this side of heaven. No one else has to understand your relationship, as long as its pleasing and honoring to the One who gave us marriage in the first place. Get counseling. Make arrangements to spend quality time together. Go to dinner and aim to talk about anything other than the kids, the house, and work. Wake up early each morning to read a devotion together while you drink your coffee. Your marriage is special, your bricks are strong, He's given you a firm foundation, and you trust in Jesus.

Waiting Mama: Your journey to a family may seem like there's no light at the end of the tunnel, but he sees your suffering. His tears intercede with yours because He loves you. He is moving mountains on your behalf, even if they look different than what you were hoping for. Your bricks are strong, He's given you a firm foundation, and you trust in Jesus.

Waiting Wife: Oh, girl. Your story is still being written. While it feels as though He's scribbling stick figures on a cocktail napkin at times, He's totally not. He has your future in His hands. Your bricks are strong, He's given you a firm foundation, and you trust in Jesus.

You're normal. These fears aren't your own- they're Satan's. He wants NOTHING more than to see you doubt your salvation, doubt the goodness of The Lord, and feel as though The Giver of life as overlooked you. Talk with your doctor about your options. Find a close girlfriend who you can confide in. This world will try everything it can to knock you down. Satan is not on your side, and is waiting patiently for your foundational structure to crumble, along with your patience, your dreams, your marriage, your heart's calling from the Almighty, everything. Take pride in the experiences He has brought you through. He was faithful then and He still reigns, sitting high on His throne, waiting for you to reach up. It's okay to need help- no matter what that looks like. Anxiety is the devil's strategy to lure you away from the goodness that abounds in residing with Jesus.

Your bricks are strong, He's given you a firm foundation, and you trust in Jesus.

In Him,